More safety and quality, less anxiety: why slowing down and escaping the sweeping dictatorship can improve mate search. But are classic dating, the one on Tinder, clear, good or bad for us? So-so, say the experts. The idea of exploring a chain of profiles, as if it were a catalog of faces, with very few seconds to decide whether to click or drag, that is, to accept or to rejecting any knowledge forever does not seem the most rewarding and constructive mechanism. The current hit and run dating app scenario is actually a frustrating waste of time in most cases.
For this reason, those who are really looking for a soul mate seem to choose slow dating more and more often. What is it about? A more relaxed and truly calibrated research experience based on one’s preferences and predispositions which places quality before quantity.
Want to meet lesbians? is one of the pioneering apps of the slow dating movement. In order to understand the psychological implications of a slow and conscious parade, he asked Ilaria Merici, psychologist and psychotherapist at Studio Porta Nuova in Milan, to explain its potential advantages and benefits.
More self-esteem. Dating apps that rely on the frenzied swiping mechanism make people more insecure, so much so that they distort their self-image, according to a study from the University of North Texas. Not to mention that it is fundamentally impossible to discern between those who are looking for something serious and those who are just playing. “With a slow approach, greater awareness is created on both sides and self-esteem is enhanced – comments Merici – subconsciously we know that everything as received is not dictated by haste or by chance, but by a real interest that comes from the time devoted to being attracted both by a face and by a story ”.
Slow dating avoids the Netflix effect. What does it mean? That in the presence of a very large number of options, the human brain has a harder time making conscious and sensitive decisions. The phenomenon has long been known in psychology and has been described by some as “choice overload”, meaning an overload of the excess of available options. “It’s like when we find ourselves in front of a counter with too many different flavors of ice cream or the Netflix screen – explains Merici – in front of a wide range of possibilities, we find ourselves inert and it can happen that we feel lost and completely unable to make a healthy choice with a possible future perspective ”. Having only one match per day, a proposition, is on the contrary something more compatible with the decision-making process: more attention in the choice phase and helps concentration.
Slow dating is also safer – it allows you to catch fake or harmful profiles earlier and more effectively. “We want women who use chat france online to be as safe as possible to meet the same person they’ve spoken to through the app. That is why we have created a special scoring system that allows us to immediately identify and eliminate the classic drawbacks of authenticity and security that unfortunately, dating app users often face ”.
Au pair, slow dating also improves the quality of conversations, because dating of this type requires a more conscious investment and respectful even of our daily rhythms, leading us to launch more meaningful conversations designed precisely to create a bond with our interlocutor. “The so-called elective affinities are created slowly over time – adds the psychologist – the feelings and the romantic bonds intended to last in time rather than to burn must also be cultivated with the conscience of what one wants to share, to through the progressive knowledge of Other “.
Finally, slow dating reduces performance anxiety. Traditional online dating apps work by taking advantage of the same psychological mechanisms associated with so-called reward circuits, much like social media, which are also responsible for so-called performance anxiety. For example, knowing that your profile could be seen by thousands of people, potentially including colleagues, friends or relatives, is a real source of stress.